An opening...

[khiemtran]

A cold morning on Nikola Street. I am standing with a group of Rai musicians. Anja is there. Someone passes me an old violin. I start to play, nervously. A Rai folk tune, or my attempt at it. The musicians laugh. They forgive my mistakes and my cold fingers. They join in. They improvise and play off each other. Anja dances with her friends.

Watching them dance, I'm reminded of the cruel, unforgiving fugues of Schiller and Krom. The hours of practice. The misery of the Conservatory. My fingers are warm now. For a moment, I am no longer on Nikola Street.

Anja laughs in surprise. I realize I'm the only one still playing. The Rai musicians stare with open mouths. Even the dancers have stopped.

Embarassed, I hand back the instrument, and hurry away.

Comments

[brownnicky.livejournal.com]

Inriguing...

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[zornhau.livejournal.com]

Embarrassed, I hand back the instrument, and hurry away.

Hairline cracks web the street under my boots as subterranean tentacles probe for the source of the siren call. Behind me, somebody screams.

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

Actually, a bit closer to my normal style. Long detailed sentences for description, short sentences for impact. Here, I'm trying to reverse it - short sentences for the description, long, flowing sentences only for the highlights.

[zornhau.livejournal.com]

Interesting. My style depends on the character, I think. But then, I only use certain sorts of characters as POV.

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

I would definitely read on. Though on about the third re-read, I did wonder why someone passed a violin to him/her. Presumably they knew s/he could play?

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

Yes, the idea is that they knew or thought he could play, but they didn't realise how well. And I'm trying to describe exactly how well he played purely by indirection. Not sure if it works entirely.

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

It works very well indeed: thinking of fugues - now *there's* a pointer for the musically inclined - 'suddenly I am no longer here' - finding that he's the only one playing, which implies that he was lost in music.

[nycshelly.livejournal.com]

I would keep reading. I like the pacing.

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It's a different style for me. It still feels a little unnatural, but it certainly flows a lot faster.

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

I found the sentences a little short and choppy, not tuneful enough, but it's _very_ intrigueing - who is he, who are the Rai, and in which reality did Schiller write fugues?

No question, I want to read more.

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's a new style for me, deliberately stripped back as far as I can take it. I'm trying to use separate sentences where I'd normally use adverbs and adjectives, and to cut down on the number of clauses per sentence. The idea is to let the images and implications do the talking. This is what happens when you spend a whole day listening to Bach on itunes...