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khiemtranMost of the "problems" in the first third of The Silver Bowl stem from the introduction of the "fenye" scene, a scene which didn't exist in the first two drafts of the story. Part of the problem is that, in order to work, the scene requires a certain mood beforehand, which doesn't match the mood of the original. A good deal of the problems with the rewrite could be removed just by cutting the scene again and letting the other scenes go back to their original moods. In some respects, the "fenye" scene belongs in a different story altogether, a story with a vaguely similar outline, but an entirely different beginning.
And yet... the "fenye" scene really elevates the story from "predictable" to "something special". It's the point at which the plot starts to take off in a non-obvious way, and in which the characters are shown in a different light. It's the point at which Dalmin becomes more than Young Apprentice/Fish Out Of Water and the Poet becomes more than Mentor/Wise Old Man. The "fenye" scene is the start of a new, reimagined story, built on top of the old one. If I take it out, the story will be easier, but much more mundane.
Who wants to write mundane stories?
And yet... the "fenye" scene really elevates the story from "predictable" to "something special". It's the point at which the plot starts to take off in a non-obvious way, and in which the characters are shown in a different light. It's the point at which Dalmin becomes more than Young Apprentice/Fish Out Of Water and the Poet becomes more than Mentor/Wise Old Man. The "fenye" scene is the start of a new, reimagined story, built on top of the old one. If I take it out, the story will be easier, but much more mundane.
Who wants to write mundane stories?
